Elderly Mr. Klondike sat at his disproportionately sized oak desk and withdrew a large pear from one of its drawers. "I hope this pear will be delicious," he thought to himself. He then bit into the tender, juicy fruit, and slowly chewed the piece of it he held in his mouth. It was a very tasty pear.


Peter knew what he wanted in life, and in situations where it was reasonably attainable, he got it. Often, he wanted several different types of pies. This was because the pies reminded him of his attractive lovers.


With a tremendous scream, Detective Blanco jumped off of the cliff and clear into the air above the ocean. In the minute in which he fell through the briney air, he wistfully recalled his days as a youthful ensign on the U.S.S. Tulsa. He shouldn't have recalled these days, however, as sooner than he thought, he needed to invest all of his energies in avoiding the craggy granite boulders below him. It was too late, though, and the drug pirates got away.


While strolling through the park, Stacey found a book of matches sitting unattended at the end of a tube slide. "I wonder if these are any good," she said to herself, flipping open the matchbook. "Nope, these are wet." Sadly, the matches were wet, and she threw the book onto the sand below. Two days later, she bought some matches from a local Walgreens.


The crew of the nuclear submarine had worked very hard for their veterans' retirement benefits until they all died underwater when an intake valve collapsed.


In her retirement, Edith Wortstein decided to take up model airplane and helicopter flying as a time consuming hobby. She had worked her entire life as a seamstress, which she viewed as a perfectly noble profession, and decided that she needed an activity which would make full use of her agile and able hands. Soon, though, she decided that this pastime was far too labor intensive and tiring, and thusly decided to take up jigsaw puzzles of Alpine landscapes and floral motifs. Her grandchildren then forgot about her and listened to music instead.


Once upon a time, a plump fig fell inexplicably and miraculously from the sky somewhere above Leeds. Nobody noticed it, however, as it was night, and it was a fig.


Sarah was worried that her return to the grocery store of the youth would bring back too many sad memories. In her mind's eye, she saw herself suddenly arrested in the middle of the cereal aisle with a severe bout of nostalgic disillusionment. She pictured many mothers struggling to pass her on the way to the rice Chex. As she walked through the sliding glass doors, however, she decided she was being far too silly, and hey, that's an amazing price for a box of Cheez-Its.


Richard came from a lower-middle class home, and was tremendously excited when his overworked parents bought him a brand new iPod mini for his birthday right before spring break. He enjoyed his new treasure vigorously in the week of free time he had from his studies, uploading every single CD he could find in his house (and some he checked out from the library) onto it. A whole new world seemed to reveal itself to him. When he got back to school, he proudly showed off his amazing gadget to his classmates. They didn't care at all about his fucking iPod, poverty idiot. In front of them, Richard fought an immense urge to sob.


Speedy never understood his nickname. In college, he made no mention of its existance, and effectively stopped its usage.


No, Karen was certainly not in love with her friend Sean, and yes, it did very much strain the friendship when he admitted to it. "He's just...horny," she said privately to her friends. After that, Sean vehemently denied that he was currently in love with her whenever she or anyone else would force the issue into conversation. These were always clearly lies, though, and in the privacy of his bedroom, Sean drew unrealistic plans for a suicide apparatus to be worn around the head. This machine never came into existance however, as in fifty years, he died slowly of cancer.


The child brought the keychain to the counter and asked what the price was. "3.50," said the cashier. The child payed the requisite amount in quarters, and the cashier found it very hard to force a smile as she slowly counted the change. She had been having a pretty crummy day, the child decided. Truly, she hadn't.


When Billy went to his friends' houses, the only thing they would ever do was play video games. For a while, that was perfectly fine, but Billy never understood why his friendships only went that far, and nobody did anything cooler or actually talked about interesting things like the popular kids probably did. One year, he decided that he didn't want his friends as friends, and didn't go to any of their birthday parties. He rarely spoke with them after that, and was lonely a lot.

Nobody ever knew poor Yogurt, but his name alone did his life little justice when listed in the obituaries.


George Evans thought his neighbors were bizarre, but not bizarre enough to try to train a mouse to sing like castrati! Fairly enough, they never did that.