Do Not Judge Me Solely On the Basis of My Humps: Many of My More Desirable Qualities Are Not In the Least Hump-Related
The Black Eyed Peas' song, My Humps, has been the source of much contention recently, as evidenced by this recent MetaFilter thread. Perhaps this is with good reason: My Humps is pretty awful.
For example, the band seems especially keen on using the structure,
So I am proposing some alternative/additional lyrics--just to round the work out a little. It's probably way too late, and some of them deviate from the prescribed formula a bit, but at least I won't be blamed for not trying. People would blame me for that, you see, as I am blame-pojken.*
*This means "the blame boy."
For example, the band seems especially keen on using the structure,
Whatchu gonna do with all that [body part?] All that [body part] [preposition] [demonstrative adjective] [place where aforementioned body part goes]? / I'm gonna [utilise aforementioned body part in this particular way].The band's first two attempts at using this are passible if nothing else. They aren't clever; they aren't novel--I'm not making any such assessments, and I'm no Humps-apologist or anything, but:
andWhatchu gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? / I'm gonna get get get you drunk--get you love drunk off my hump.
Whatchu gonna do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? / I'm gonna make make make you scream--make you scream make you scream!are at least half-thought out. They're stupid, yeah, but in comparison with the broader cannon of similar songs, they aren't exceptionally poor. However, the third time around...
Whatchu gonna do with all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt? / I'm gonna make make make you work--Make you work work make you work!Did they run out of ideas? Couldn't they nuance the line a bit more or something? "Breast in shirt"--pretty obvious. It seems almost anatomical: along the vast continuum of monikers for "boob," "breast" is barely a step away from "mammary ducts" in the common lexicon. Breast also frequently precedes cancer, which isn't a nice thing to think about in close context with phrases like "my lovely lady lumps." Baaaadbaad no
So I am proposing some alternative/additional lyrics--just to round the work out a little. It's probably way too late, and some of them deviate from the prescribed formula a bit, but at least I won't be blamed for not trying. People would blame me for that, you see, as I am blame-pojken.*
So that would be all I have right now. I've you've any potential contribution for the Black Eyed Peas, I welcome and encourage its submission.1.
Whatchu gon' do with all that arm? All that arm inside that sleeve? / I'm gon' go and climb a tree--climb a tree tree climb a tree!2.
Whatchu gon' do with all that Crest? All that Crest inside that tube? / I'm gon' make my molars smooth--make my molars real real smooth!3.
Whatchu gon' do with all that ear? All that ear on side of head? / I'm gon' hear the Grateful Dead--hear those Grateful Grateful Dead!4.
Whatchu gon' do with that there pen? That there pen there that I see? / I'm gon' write a paper on John Webster's Duchess of Malfi!5.
Whatchu gon' do with all that thumb? All that thumb inside that plum? / I'm gon' pull it out of plum--wash that thumb with great aplomb!6.
Whatchu gon' do with all that thigh? All that thigh nigh to the pie? / I'm gon' thigh at that there pie--knock that thigh pie super high!7.
Whatchu gon' do with E. coli? E. coli inside thigh pie? / I'm gon' sit and cry cry cry--cry for ruined tasty pie!8.
Whatchu gon' do with all those Trix? All those Trix inside that box? / I'm gon' taunt coineanach! Coineanach with a vox!9.
Whatchu gon' do with all that meat? All that meat in van with heat? / I'm gon' say it smells of feet--throw it to crow on the street!10.
Whatchu gon' do with all those cones? All those stolen traffic cones? / I'm gon' intone trombone tones--trombone tones that sound like moans!11.
Whatchu gon' do with all those logs? All those logs in woods with fog? / I'm gon' make them into Pogs--make some big Pogs from those logs!12.
Whatchu gon' do with all that hair? All that hair that goes to there? / I'm gon' donate lots of hair--wigs give bald men nouveau air!
*This means "the blame boy."
8 Comments:
Whachu gon' do wit all dem peas? all dem peas inside that bag? i'ma thaw out, that is, defreeze, then make them ninety eight degrees!
educational:
whachu gonna go with one and two?
with one plus two, one plus two?
i'ma gonna add them up, add em up so they equal three.
its lame, but it is somewhat educational, for little kids at least. remember?
whatcha gon do at Valleyfair?
Valleyfair up in the air?
I'mma gon' go ride Wild Thing
Make me Scream, make me Scream!
oh yeah, and ...
Whatcha gon' do with All that dirt?
All that dirt all up in here?
I'mma gon' go get mop and pail
Mop it up with Pine-Sol Soap
yeah, I found out its even more funny and awkward when it doesn't rhyme. Who the hell thought that shirt and breast was a close rhyme?
I think it would be a good idea to do this song in Shakespearean lingo. I vote that be your next endeavor.
Romeo: "What wouldst thou goeth about doing, anon, with yonder rubbish, yonder rubbish inside of fair compartment?"
Juliet: "I shall maketh thee intoxicated and swigger-swagger to fit such bacchal exhuberance! Maketh thee so with mine rubbish thou spake of!"
Mercution: "She hath gotten me spinning ..."
whatchya gonna do with dan ashwoods brain/ that there brain inside his head/ we're gonna make him really smart, real real smart, harvard it up...shake it out.
i heart you danny. ill miss you next year.
Whatchu gonna do with all that time? All that time you spend online? / I'm gonna search search search Dan Ashwood's site for that story about the Pickle Babies I read that one time and thought was pretty good, and then maybe I'll leave a comment telling him to put it back online. 'Cause it's a crime that it's not online, you wasted my time, line and time don't technically rhyme, rosemary and thyme.
You're really funny.. be my friend at Harvard and make me laugh.. a lot.. yea..
Post a Comment
<< Home