This is the first installation in what is meant to be a quick, cursory study of Swedish candy. It will probably be boring and only vaguely interesting, but having recently come back from Sweden, I figure that I should contribute something here that relates to that whole experience, which was really very very amazing. I haven't seen too much else on this subject either, so here it is for you.

Me, my personal favorites are Ahlgren's Bilar.

These are small candies that are kinda shaped like convertibles. They have a consistency roughly comparable to that of a stale marshmallow, but in my mind they have none of the negative connotations that naturally go with such a crappy thing. Thus I really don't like to say that they're kinda like stale marshmallows, because naturally the dialogue then turns into this:

Auxiliary party: "Well, as you may or may not be aware, I don't particularly care much for stale marshmallows, Dan." Me: "Yes, well, this I do realize. I share in this sentiment. However, I fear that this description may have been too brashly thought out, and as such would like to retract it for just a bit to get you to…uh…to get you to try one…" (Holds out Bilar bag and offers Bilar) Auxiliary Party: "BAH! (Raises hand in callous contempt) No, Dan! The damage has been done! The emotional barrier construed! The levy built! The lego wall completed to a reasonably obstructive height! In vain are you and your generosity, in vain!" Me: "In vain? Surely?" Auxiliary Party: "Fo'surely." Me: "Well hot damn."

I don't think the colors of the cars really mean all that much. All Bilar have mostly the same taste to me, which isn't really easy to describe; if artificial fruit flavors became mixed together and shoved into a crazyass feedback loop where their artificiality gradually and exponentially distorted and compounded itself, almost sending the flavor back into the gray-television static-flavored realm of pure sugar butnoooootquite, you'd get maybe close. But hey, there's a weird mentholey effect too, so I don't know what to say. It's all very frustrating. You should try them. You'd be frustrated too.

Dammit, I probably shouldn't have said you'd be frustrated too. You see, whenever I say that, the dialogue usually goes like this:

Auxiliary Party: Frustrated? Me: Well, yeah, I guess; I mean, ...only when you're trying to explain them like I am. Auxiliary Party: But I don't like to be frustrated. Why would I want to try them if it'd frustrate me later on? Sure, I'd live vibrantly now, but at some juncture in the future I would have to face the bitter consequences of my actions. I don't know, Dan. That's hard. I just don't like that concept. Me: Well, you're a woosey fuckface. Auxiliary Party: ...; ...What did you say? Me: ... Auxiliary Party: ... Me: ...; I'm sorry. I'm ..uh...I'm sorry. Auxiliary Party

I've heard from various sources that Bilar are kinda to the Swedish what Goobers and Raisinets say they are to us. I can't really confirm or deny this, but it seemed that they were featured fairly prominently at the movie theater. If anyone has anything they'd like to say about that, please send me an e-mail. I'd be happy to hear from you.

Here's a website for you in a language of your choice. Http://www.ahlgrensbilar.com/.